Orgasm Denial Effects

A lot has been written about the wonderful (in my opinion) effect chastity and orgasm denial has on men in general. There are dozens of blog, even entire websites devoted to it. I always enjoy reading them but now, I think, time has come to share my own experiences. Let me warn you upfront that very likely, most of what you are about to read you have heard, read or experienced before (if your orgasms are strictly controlled and regulated) but please remember, this blog is about documenting my submissive life for myself, and more importantly for my Mistress.

1) Submission and Obedience. After just a few days of teasing and denial I am quite responsive to several visual and verbal "hair triggers". I can not really control my response (usually an erection but also thoughts or images in my mind which inevitably result in an erection sooner or later). I must admit I quite enjoy this type of helplessness. I become much more interested in serving my Mistress in any way I possibly can. Whether it is fetching things for Her or pleasuring Her whenever She wants to and for however long She wants to. Mistress Herself recognizes it and frequently cites it as a reason for not allowing me to orgasm. For example, recently we were at a wedding of one of Her friends - an event with all due respect I could easily skip. While we were in the hotel room, the day before the wedding, I asked when She thinks She will let me orgasm. She said "Well, it's been long enough, but if you have one now you will be insufferable and miserable at the wedding, so no. Not today, not tomorrow". I agree with Her, because while orgasm after several long weeks is certainly absolutely indescribable, I myself hate how I feel after those several seconds of intense pleasure. Soon thereafter I start to regret it and wish I could turn the clock back just 10 minutes. Here I must point out that my chastity is not enforced by any chastity device, although we are currently in possession of a pretty pink CB-2000. Of course it is one of my fantasies to wear a chastity device 24/7 but considering my body build, it is simply impossible to hide. I still wish Mistress used it more often on me but I am in no position to ask Her to do it.

2) Brain Chemistry. I am not sure whether this is a right term but when I am denied orgasms I feel like I am a different person. My perception of things and events changes, my mood, my outlook on life, my interests, etc. For example I am not interesting in hanging out with men. This is very easy considering that at this point, most of my friends are in fact women and the same goes for my coworkers. And my facebook friends. But regardless of that, I would almost say I crave the company of women. There is nothing sexual about this, I simply feel very comfortable in their company. Plus, as far conversations go, there is not much I can talk about with (stereotypical) men anyway - I feel like not being interested in sports eradicates 60% of potential conversation topics; fishing, hunting, beer, cars, motorcycles, guns, politics and related topics are another 30%; 5% are usually comments about women and 5% is miscellaneous. It may very well not be this way everywhere but men in most placed where I worked certainly conformed to this stereotype. My interests shift towards "girly things", so to speak. I enjoy reading Mistress' Glamour magazine, browsing the web for shoes (love those platform high heels) or clothes. Oh and music and movies too. I am much more interested in watching what would be termed by men as "chick flicks" and almost exclusively listen to music performed by female artists. I don't really make a conscious choice, it sort of comes naturally. I realize it probably sounds pretty weird but during these times of extended orgasm denial, I especially enjoy Britney Spears and female pop performers (feel free to judge). I must say that I am making quite sure no one knows this interesting fact about me, but I do chuckle a bit inside when I pass people at work and they have no idea what's playing on my ipod. I am not going to disclose what used to listen to before living with Mistress but it was as far away from pop as it gets. Honestly, I am curious when I find myself in bed reading romance novels :-).

3) Crossdressing. This of course is a major part of my life and of course, the more I get denied the more I want to crossdress. It is as plain and simple as it get and I am sure in no way unique. Unfortunately our work schedules frequently interfere with "playing dress-up" as Mistress calls it but I suppose it is that much more enjoyable when we finally do. Of course I would like to dress up pretty much every day, especially on weekends but much like with the chastity device, I am in no position to suggest it. I am not sure if I would get punished but Mistress would probably disappointed.

4) Sexuality. I am a perfectly happy heterosexual male and I do enjoy sex with women. Well, with my Mistress really and I am very lucky to be Her (and only Hers) sexual partner. Interestingly, when I look at women in magazines or catalogs (Victoria's Secret is one of my favorites) or even when I meet them in the street, I no longer see them as sexual objects (which is how it was before). I am sure you know what I mean. I do not look at them as a man anymore. I am hesitant to say I look at them as another woman, because of course I have no idea. Another interesting occurrence are homosexual dreams. Sure, I have had some dreams like that before I was collared by Mistress but when I am denied orgasms they become much more frequent and much more vivid. Almost exclusively, in these dreams I am dressed up and in some sort of submissive and usually sexual position with a man (or men) with Mistress around (or with Her presence inferred) about half the time. I do sometimes tell Her about these and She laughs and says, She is not surprised.

So in a nutshell, this is what is going on in my head. I wonder what is going through other people's heads weeks or months after their last orgasm.

New Panties

Few weeks ago me and Mistress stopped by a local Walmart to pickup some things for the house. As it happens, as we are heading towards the kitchen section, we have to pass through the lingerie isles. We rarely stop by but today was different. A pair of pink/black and pink lacy boy-cut panties caught Her attention and before i know it, they are sitting in the shopping basket. Mistress knows that pink is by far my most favorite color and was kind enough to pick enlarge my collection of pink lacy underwear. i especially like the hot pink/black combination with has the be, in my opinion, the sexiest color combination ever. i was quite excited, especially after we had a full blown discussion (while shopping) about how she likes how my ass looks in boy-cut panties. i used to be very fond of thongs but i think i at this point i only have a few (if any) left in my underwear drawer. Boy-cut panties are my new hottest thing, although most of my panties are the lacy bikini style ones. Here are some pictures of my new panties for your enjoyment:

My Weekend as a Maid

Mistress was visiting Her family last weekend so I was left behind to bring the apartment into a state of complete cleanliness. We have been traveling recently as well as were quite busy at work, so our place did look quite as neat and clean as I would have liked. It's not that it was dirty, it just wasn't perfect. Well the bathroom was pretty gross. And the kitchen quite a bit too. This was really bothering me because what kind of sissy maid can possibly live in a place like this.

That was all to change this weekend, however, as Mistress laid out the rules on Saturday morning before She left.

1. Wear panties every day. Before leaving, Mistress picked out three pairs of panties - black, white and pink for me to wear (She does this every morning). I decided to save the pink lacy ones to greet Mistress in on Monday.
2. Wear maid's uniform, including the new maid shoes, except during times of heavy cleaning so as to avoid staining and damaging it. You can see my outfit laid out for me in the picture above.
3. No unauthorized touching or masturbating, except on both evenings I was going to be alone I was ordered to masturbate and bring myself to the edge and then stop.
   
4. Practice eye-makeup techniques on both days.
5. Wear the pink nightie from Victoria's Secret to bed every night.
   
6. Clean, scrub, vacuum, organize, wash, fold, dust ... etc.

After issuing these directives, I helped Her load the suitcase in the car, kissed Her good bye and She was off. I got back into the house and immediately locked myself into my pink CB2000 to intensify my already intense feelings of submissiveness and servitude. I have been trying lately to wear it for increasingly longer and longer periods of time to get used to it but was only able to do it for 6 hours or so. I quickly gathered all the dirty clothes and took it to the laundry room. Because I have to walk out of the apartment, I have to wear my normal boring male clothes. For maximum efficiency I try to get all my heavy cleaning done while the laundry is on. This way I scrub the kitchen floor, clean the stove, the toilet and the shower without wearing my maid's uniform. Besides using harsh chemicals I also tend to sweat a lot, especially when I am on my knees scrubbing the kitchen floor. Whether Mistress is at home or not, I usually do this naked or wearing either a collar and/or my CB2000. After I got the laundry out of the dryer and finished all the "hard work" I took a shower and changed into the maid uniform, stockings, high heels and a wig and practiced putting on eye make-up. It was a first for me and I think I did look a bit clownish. Hopefully Mistress will go over the make-up techniques with me at some point, step by step so that I can become proficient at putting on my make-up.

Anyway, It was very nice to be dressed like this after a long time and I must say I enjoyed my maid duties a lot. Fortunately, the chastity device prevented me from having frequent and involuntary erections. It took me the rest of the day to clean as I was in no rush, enjoying every single minute of my submissive maidhood. I think changing bedding, vacuuming and dusting were especially enjoyable. At night I changed into the pink nightie, removed my CB2000 that was starting to hurt a lot and masturbated for only a few minutes before I felt a massive orgasm coming. I forced myself to stop imagining the massive beating I would receive for violating Mistress' orders. It's been exactly a week since my last release and I suspect I have another week to go before I am allowed to orgasm. I was pretty tired so I fell asleep quite quickly dreaming (quite vividly) about Mistress spilling the secrets of our relationship to one of Her friends (never seen the friend before). This scared me a bit because as far as I know, no one knows about our particular arrangement.

I woke up with a massive hard-on so I had to wait before I was able to use the bathroom. The male anatomy is so imperfect! After the shower I changed into the maid's outfit again, practiced (and mostly failed) the make-up techniques and spent most of the day inside, just enjoying myself. I did some more cleaning, watched a bit of TV, read Mistress' Glamour magazine and evening met up with two female friends of Mistress & mine and we went to the beach and then had dinner together. What a wonderful evening. Before going to bed I brought myself to the edge of orgasm after reading some femdom and bdsm blogs and stopped literally one second away from cumming. My sexual frustration is growing but that is simply how things are. I have surrendered myself to my beautiful Mistress, devoted my life to Her and accepted the duty of servitude and constant sexual frustration. And I highly recommend that to everyone!